Liquid Vitamins
in a
Liquid World

By: Amabaie
.
Every day, it seems like we are living in an increasingly liquid world. I'm not preaching against the evils of alcohol or for a new era of prohibition that will save us from sin and politicians. After all, water is also a liquid, and it rarely inflicts us with either sin or politicians.

But we do expect everything to be excruciatingly easy these days, so liquid is the operating system of choice.

No time to eat? Grab a liquid breakfast and run. Why tie a knot in the umbilical chord connecting your bed to your desk? If you can find a long enough straw, just start slurping as you rise from bed, and smack your lips to the last drop as you whiz out the front door. Bye.
The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.  The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard.  Click HERE for your free copy of an almost complete history of The Flag of the United States of America, The Flag, OUR Flag.

It's a fact that food just tastes better when it is cooked outdoors. Now with 101 Camping & Outdoor Recipes, even campers who have never cooked anything more complicated than S'mores can make great meals and snacks over the campfire. You no longer need to sacrifice eating well just because you are not in your home kitchen.

Remember when soap came in bars? Solid bars? Sorry, I guess I'm showing my age. Now everybody uses liquid soap. Yesterday I reached for the soap. No, wait. I reached for the hand cream. Or was it the soap? But what if it is the hand cream? Soap or hand cream? Which is which?

People used to nail siding onto the exterior of their homes. Now they just spray on "liquid siding". It comes in three tasty flavors: siding, ceramic and stucco. Yum.

And now they've taken my little vitamin supplement pills and liquefied them, too.

"Hold on just a minute. How do you know they liquefied the vitamin pills?"

Who said that?

"Are vitamins naturally solid? Or are they naturally liquid?"

Uh. I had to admit that I probably would not recognize a vitamin if I bumped into it in the street ... in which case I have a hunch it might be too big to swallow. Say, who is this?

"Where do you think vitamins come from, anyway?"

I always assumed they came from the back of the corner store in a small town in Indiana, but upon reflection, I suspect they might come from oranges and fish and milk. Who are you?

"Don't you think it's pretty hard to stuff a fish into a hard, little pill?"

I suppose The Voice has a point.

"You drink milk, don't you?"

Yeah, but that's because it's liquid. Suddenly I recalled my dream from just last week. Cow after cow heading into a factory on a conveyor belt. At first I though it was the Annual Bovine Family Reunion, but on the other side of the factory, riding the same conveyor belt, were neatly sealed cartons of milk. Aaargh!

"Squeezed. Like an orange. You drink juice, don't you?"

Yeah...but squeezing a cow?

"Just what do you know about liquid?"

I thought real hard. Everything comes in one of three states: gas, liquid and solid. Gas is like the politicians when they are talking. Liquid is like the politicians when they are hard at work attending cocktail receptions. Solid is like statues of politicians.

Everything comes in either gas, liquid or solid. That is about all I could remember of my high school chemistry. That, and how to explode a partially dissected frog. No, wait. That wasn't chemistry class. Silly me. Why would we have a partially dissected frog in chemistry class. That was that other class. What was it called, again? Oh yes, "home economics".

"Did the frog contain vitamins?"

Not any more.

"Do you think it's easier to pack vitamins into a tiny, hard pill or into a drink?"

I suppose it all depends on what kind of explosive you use. I tried to imagine squeezing a fish into a carton. But fish walking up a conveyor belt seemed just a bit radical ... and even less tasty than freshly squeezed cow. Besides, I might need to buy fishing gear to get my milk...er...fish juice from the carton.

"Liquid vitamin supplements are made only from plant ingredients."

That's it. Keep your cow. Keep your fish. Keep your frog...what's left of it. I'm going to for a pure liquid life.

My only question now is: Which one is the soap, and which one is the hand cream? And which one is my liquid vitamin supplement? I don't want to drink the soap by mistake.

the end

Read more humor articles by David Leonhardt.
Get your very own natural liquid vitamins
or read about specific liquid vitamins and minerals.

 

This is a navigational menu tool.  Click anywhere to find a new and exciting exit to something we have that is wild and wonderful.

No advice on this site should be used
without first contacting a professional in that field.  

Write Better Learn the Basics YOUR World
 Tips for writing better  
Books for writers
Cafe Hemingway 
 Learn how to Hyphen-ate  
 Easy Research for writers  
Big Screen writing  
  Proposals for Nonfiction  
Free Plots to use
 
Ring in Writing Assignments
 
Read My News
   
Post Your News
 *  
Writer's Showcase
*  
Using transition words  
Abe Linkin Page
*  
Writing for Kids
*  
Protect Your Work
*  
Building web pages
*
Are you feeling hopeless?  
How to Avoid the High Cost of Conventional Promotions and Still Sell More Books.  
Don't be Buried Alive!  
Better Query Results can be YOURS!
FREE Calculator  
Miniature Horses,, how would you rewrite this article? Free E-cards  
How and Why you need a copyeditor
Specialty Niches on the web could be YOUR step up. 
What the heck is a meme? 
Writing In Your Sleep 
The Tale Wins Affiliate Contract 
Potential Earnings Disclaimer 

Ebooks are for Amateurs  
An Introduction to VoIP 
How To Write An Article For The Web 
Own Your Own Article Directory 
The Secret of Success, written especially for writers by Lucy Goosey.
Make Money from information you don't even write yourself.
Break Into Technical Writing.  *  Write a better Query *  Make your query a KNOCKOUT  *  humor for writers * Free pictures you can use *  Literary Agent Protocol * Privacy Policy * Insurance Information for Writers *  Click here to borrow all the money you need.  *  Be Your Own Banker  * Promote Your Own Site *  Understanding Copyright * Free humor *

  Dealers Wanted *   Help *   postcards for writers   *  Practice Makes Perfect  * Learn to use the new Talk and Type software.   *  Piggyback the Hollidays for Free book publicity.   *  Create a bottomless notebook to spark new story ideas any time you need them.
Using Description to Drag your readers into your story.
Break into a Food Writing Career.  
The Secret of Success, according to Lucy Goosey.  
Watch out for the Land Gurus 
Just The Writer... when the movie makers take over the book, where does the writer go?
800 words and phrases that SELL!

How To Write Powerful Speeches
ANYONE CAN WRITE A BOOK 

Print Your Own Money  
Books almost free.
  
Resources for writers to quote and interview.
With All Due Respect  
Indexing and the importance of key words.  
How To Write Product Instructions 
Sell More Books by making your publisher move into high gear.

STOP THE SPAM.  Opt OUT of the email loop.  Quit being Buried Alive
Add music to your site?  Click HERE to see just how easy it can be, and for more information on a company you want to avoid.
Newsletters that flop, and what to do to avoid a similar fate.

Hit it another lick *  Stop SPAM! * There is only ONE WAY Sex will Sell on the web.  * nonfiction titles * fiction titles *  Free Report, Five Reasons To Check Your Credit Report.  *  MY bookmarks.  * Simple Calculator for writers. Improve your web site's search engine ranking  *  Add your site URL to my site * 

The X-Files
Acne Before Breakfast
Allergies and their toll
Bargains 
Birding Basics
Cancer Campaigns
Crafts you can do
The Tooth Fairy 
Diet Aids
Gardening Tools
Help at Work
Home Improvement
HomePreneurs
Pain Control
Personal Improvement
Prevention
Protect Yourself 

Make Money From Home  
Essays about the Family  
News you SHOULD use

Masters of Disguise  

14 Winning Methods
to Sell Any Product or Service in a Down Economy
Publish your book  in PDF files. 
  
Post your best quotes here.
  
Snowball your way to Success  

Keep up with all your new articles and freebies.

Have some of your favorite ebooks quit working?
Click HERE and let me GIVE you a secret that will: Fix Your Ebooks. 

Travel the World, and get paid for it. 

If you have a question or comment for the owner, Then:

Copyright 2006 by
Earl H. Roberts