Church

of the

Chaise Lounge

If it feels good --
Sleep On It!

by Lin Stone.

Make your Garden Glow  Learn the best strategies of making your yard and garden a source of great satisfaction.

The size of the average American yard continues to shrink -- it now stands at only 9,100 square feet -- including the house. At the same time, more and more people are valuing fresh, organically grown produce and wanting to grow their own. With new technology, special varieties and innovative planting systems, you can now grow almost any vegetable, herb or fruit on a deck or in a small corner of your yard or deck -- even producing more than if you planted them in a regular-sized garden.  Turn Your Small Yard into a Big Garden.  

If you want to add curb appeal to your home in time for selling season, a few simple touches can make a powerful impact in the eyes of potential buyers.  

Pools that offer plenty of backyard fun while also serving as beautiful and functional extensions of living space are the new rage.  With smart innovations in design and maintenance, today’s pools are more attractive than ever.  

Smart innovations -- massaging jets that target tired muscles, the surround sound of your favorite tunes, changeable lighting and hands-off water-care techniques -- make hot tubs hotter than ever.  

Are you tired of staring at four neutral-colored walls? Have you noticed that the ‘mauve’ you painted your room several years ago is no longer en vogue? Whatever your reasons, a new coat of paint is the fastest, easiest and least expensive way to add some pizzazz to your home.

Taking care of your outdoor surfaces pays off when you consider the expense of replacing siding, deck planking, lawn furniture, playsets and more. Not only that, but a fresh coat of paint can do wonders for your outdoor living space

Someone once said, “Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful or beautiful.” The old adage rings true today as value-conscious Americans scrutinize where they’re spending their money and question whether they are getting the best return on investment -- the largest of which is typically a home.  

The Amazing One Dollar Bill.  Do you know what it means, what it stands for?

Remember Grandpa:  Nearly 17 years later, I can still hear grandpa's laughter, still smell grandma's coffee, still shiver at the memory of how cold those rivers were.

The Law of Tooth and Claw:  You have to make allowances for puppies, or kill them.

The Typology of Financial Scandals.  Can you recognize a scam?

Is your money SAFE in the bank?  Miracles happen daily inside banks, but so does sleight of hand.

The Value of Money explains why we are always broke.

What is man that thou art mindful of him?  Do the tides pause to salute an immortal soul when death brushes us by?

Since the 9/11 tragedy, many people have been seeking out and embracing their spirituality. To satisfy this thirst, hundreds of thousands have turned to the Internet both for ordination and for information. Due to the decline of extended family ties, people are turning towards this new breed of minister to perform their rituals and transitions.

There have been ads promising to make me a minister for $40 ever since I was a teenager.  Some of the promises were pretty wild, if I'd just jar loose with a little change.  

But, I've resisted the urge.

Until now I've never even thought seriously about it.  

But this Church of the Chaise Lounge is pretty hard to resist.

The opening paragraph really grabbed me.

You know as well as I do that you can worship God better outside in the shade than you can inside a stuffy chapel.  In the Church of the Chaise Lounge the member benefits are even better than a shady rest.

I knew right then that I was going to read the rest of the letter.  Come hell nor higher water, I wanted to hear what this minister had to say.

This church is made for those who don't care to inquire too deeply into theology, but do want to maintain a card carrying affiliation with some church.

No more casting a plugged nickel in the hat every Sunday. Annual member donations are restricted to only $36.42  That means it costs less than ten cents a day to be a member!

Your place of worship is entirely portable.  You can flop your chaise lounge down and worship anything you please, wherever you please, for just as long as you are a paid up member.

The laws of most nations permit freedom of worship.  If you intend to be praying deeply, or in strange tongues, all you have to do is get in your chaise lounge, tape your membership card onto your chest in plain view, and start praying.  No boss had better disturb one of our members until they finish praying either.

There is no limit to the number of chaise lounges you may own. and a legitimate tax write off comes with each purchase.  

There is no restriction on the quantity or type of refreshments to be served during your sacrament.  If anyone questions how your head is wobbling, just explain that you're trying to see your god from a different angle.

Travel discounts are offered to every member, special tours to exotic, holy lands, are available at least once every year.

As a member you have the authority and the obligation to pray for anyone needing your help enough to pay for it.  Be sure to charge at least $10 an hour for the time spent in prayer on your chaise lounge in their behalf.  Not only do you keep every cent, but you can double your money too just by praying for two or more people at the same time, if your chaise lounge can sustain the extra burthen.

Every Member a Missionary is our second motto.  Missionary work will be rewarded here on earth so you don't have to wait for the sweet bye and bye to get here to see if those promises actually prove accessible.  

We'll pay you $4.00 per year for each new member who signs up under your chaise lounge, for just as long as they remain members.  For every new member who signs up under the chaise lounge of any members you sign up, you get another $4.00 per year for just as long as they remain members.  For every new member who signs up under those new members, you get another $4.00 per year for just as long as they remain members.  For every new member who signs up under those new members, you get another $4.00 per year for just as long as they remain members.  Why, you'll be counting your change with both hands and a smile if you're any kind of a missionary at all.

Where would you, the new minister, get training?  What if a loved one is missing in action? What if someone is getting a divorce and wants a ritual to help them sleep through the transition? What if someone you don’t know very well died, but had no formal church, and you are asked to officiate? What would you say?
The recent release of ‘Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage – Sample Ceremony for Celebrants, Officiants and Ministers’ by Rev. Amy Long, including contributions from assorted other ministers with a variety of backgrounds and experiences may well be your answer.

This book, available at www.ministersupplies.com , has a wealth of information for any new minister faced with uncertainty and helps to add more credibility to this new emerging category of minister.

Well, I read the Chaise Lounge Minister offer all the way through several times and I admit that it does feel good.

Of course, before I make any kind of a decision, 

I'm going to sleep on it.

the end

Lin Stone is an author, writer and photographer living in Mena Arkansas among the gentle mountains known as Ouachita.  He writes about adventures and he writes about the peaceable things of this world for Share Your State.  In his spare time Lin writes copy for insurance roundup.  You can have immediate, and free, reading of many more pieces when you send your little surfer scooting to Lin's home page at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8SDAA where he keeps stirring up more good things for the soul.

Order your Contoured Chaise Lounge here for only $12.95 

Build your own exotic Chaise Lounge.  Check out the Amish Chaise Lounge.

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You can actually Make money giving books away for free  *  Click HERE to discover the secrets of buying Cheap Land at Tax Sales.  *  Click HERE for a free vacation adventure kit from any state.  Click HERE if you want to walk with a spring in your step and a sparkle in your eye.   Click HERE  for my site map, revealing everything on this site.   Entire contents: © Copyright 1996 - 2006 by Tale Wins