A little Arkansaw boy was standing alongside a trail near Clinton when a revenue agent came by and hailed him.  “You can earn ten dollars if you know where I can find a moonshiner.

“Make it twenty and it’s a done deal,” said the boy.   “I know where two of them is.”

The revenue agent agreed to that and asked where they might be.

“Right up there on Cullum Mountain.”

“How do I get there?”

The boy pointed out the trail and the revenue agent started up it.  “Wait a minute,” he called.  “Where’s my money.”

“You’ll get it when I come back,” the agent responded.

“That won’t work,” said the boy.  “You ain’t coming back.”

***

Into a Chicago barroom strode a man of magnificent proportions and a miraculous mustache.  On a chain he was dragging a grown mountain lion.  It snapped, snarled and spit until it realized it was inside four walls, then it crouched and leaped for the throat of its owner.  The man drew back his fist and knocked the mountain lion head over tail where it slumped to the floor.

The man threw the chain down on top of the lion and stepped up to the bar.  “Whiskey.”  Just as the glass touched his lips a cobra sneaked out from the lapel of his hunting jacket and began to sway in front of the man’s eyes.  He drew back a knuckle and thumped the cobra on the chin.  It folded on the spot and crumpled against the man’s vest.

“Where you from?” asked the bartender.

“I used to be from Tombstone Arizona,” was the answer.

“Used to be?”

“Yeah, they ran me out of there and said I’d better not stop running until I found a town where nobody thought I was a sissy.  Do you folks mind if I catch my breath a little bit before heading on for Montreal?

***

A Big Game Hunter from New York went to India and booked a guide for a tiger hunt.  The guide pointed out a tree to him and hoisted him up, then said.  “Now, this is real easy.. “I’ll tie a little goat down here and a tiger will come after it.  The eyes of the tiger will glow like living coals.  Just aim between the eyes and you’ll have a real trophy.”

On the morning morrow the guide turned up and the American was mauled from stem to stern.  “How could you miss?” asked the guide.

“Well, last night 2 tigers came.  I saw them a great ways off and from a distance each pair of eyes looked like a single eye and the two single eyes looked like a pair of eyes when I started shooting.  I didn’t realize my mistake until they split up to start climbing up my tree.”

***

The mine boss was complaining about the horrible argument he had with his wife that morning when the noon whistle blew.  He stared at it for a moment then turned to his friend.  “Noon, and I’m still mad.  Well, I’m going home anyway.  If she hasn’t got lunch fixed I’m going to raise all kinds of of fits.  And if she does have lunch ready I won’t eat a bite!”

***

The Texas real estate agent was trying to unload a large ranch onto a Yankee tycoon but the man was reluctant.  “I’m worried about how deep the snow gets here,” he admitted.

“Snow?” the Texan growled, then thought better of it and called a rickety old friend down off the sidewalk.  “Jimmy, has it ever snowed around here?”

Jimmy took his Resistol off and scratched at his head.  “Snow?  Snow? Snow?”  Then he looked up with a bright smile.  “Well no, I reckon not, but I did see it rain once.”

***

He was a stranger hiking through, he said, and they took him in.  That evening for supper he came out on the cantilever porch with them and they began eating.  Hogs rooted beneath them for the scraps.  “I guess it’s true then,” he said sadly.  “You really are feeding hogs right beneath the supper table.”

“What of it?” asked the old man.

“It’s unhealthy.”

“Unhealthy?” demanded the old man incredulously.  “We’ve been feeding hogs like this for going on 33 years now, young feller, and I’ll have you know we haven’t lost even one to natural causes yet.”