Join The Marines For Fun and Games
Dear Mama and Daddy:
The Park Service advises you to look for snakes before you step. My advice is to make a racket as you go because it's the stalking hunter that gets bit, not the elephant's son.
If you think health care is expensive now you just wait until it is free.
I don't like being stupid, but sometimes it is forced upon me.
When you average it all out you may be going downhill from here to there, but you still have some steep mountains to climb before you get there.
Of course I need a job. Everyone needs a job. Everyone needs something to gripe about!
We have a very stable marriage.
The only thing more dangerous than a psychiatrist is an M.D.'s nurse that thinks psychiatry is so simple s/he can understand it well enough to practice without a license. Doc, even psychiatrists aren't smart enough to practice psychiatry after they get a license to teach psychiatry.
My opponent for the Presidency doesn't even have a sense of humor;
I keep a little bottle of ginger ale in the fridge. I don't hate the stuff enough to go buy something else, and I don't like it enough that I'll guzzle the whole twelve ounces down in one week either.
Watch out for that truck ahead of us, Honey.
Nine out of ten psychiatrists that
God has put me into the furnace so hot
I've taken 40 years to learn how to write humor, but it only took two for me to appreciate it. The introduction of good clean humor will bring your family together and leave loving memories behind. May I suggest that you begin immediately, if not sooner, to incorporate REGULAR READING of humorous material in your family. Set every Monday night aside for an hour of fun and games, with liberal doses of humor contributed by one and all. Visit your favorite dentist's office and borrow some old Reader's Digest magazines to scrounge through with jokes that are too old to remember, but too good to forget. When you run out of Digests -- and it can be done -- you can get THOUSANDS more humorous books from your local library.
We have the cats pretty well trained here.
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If basketball players had to spit as much as baseball players do
Only knowing one way to spell a word
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Note attached to a bulk email: "Each year in the U.S. alone, the "postal" bulk mail industry consumes over 450 million trees just to make the paper used in sending their advertisements and promotions. Using email instead can significantly reduce this consumption, while at the same time decreasing the billions of tons of paper waste filling our landfills. Save the trees, save the planet, read MY email!"
* * *
Joe shook his head sadly and told his boss. "I should have known before I volunteered for this job that you really were stupid enough to go through with it."
Saddam ended his hunger strike after missing just one meal. That makes me wonder just how long he would have lasted under the Hussein regime.
Every time I start to do something around the house Alice exclaims, "I was going to do that." Maybe so. But the dishes never get done, the floor never gets swept, the beds never get made, and the bills never get paid. When she stops me from doing those things I think she is trying to make me feel guilty too.
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Get Rich QUICK --
If all you have is one dollar and all I have is one dollar, both of us are just plain broke. But if you buy my Plan To Get Rich for a dollar, and I buy your Get Rich Idea for a dollar, then at least we can blame someone else for the hole we're in.
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Pack a pound less
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