Almost Good
Housekeeping

Is it safer
to eat in the bathroom?

story by Lin Stone

*

"Some people don't believe I care about a clean house," said Mary as we sat down on the couch and dust wheezed out from four sides.   "But I do."

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes as she explained her theory.  "Jim's a mechanic and a cowboy.  He comes home every day, exhausted and dirty.  I want him to know he can lay down or sit down anywhere in this house without feeling as if he's getting the place any dirtier than it already is."

I glanced around the room and nodded to myself; her sacrifice had won the victory; Jim would NEVER feel uncomfortable in flopping anywhere I could see!

Good housekeeping today is equal to spotless.  Well, Mary thinks good housekeeping is for Governors and United States Senators running for President.  "The laws they pass prove they don't have a clue to what life is really about."

I'm sure Mary knows there's at least one doctor today saying publicly that it is safer to eat in most bathrooms than in most kitchens because bathrooms are cleaned up and disinfected more often.  

She just doesn't agree with him.  "I really think Ben Franklin was onto something.  Back in Ben's muddy day, less than 3% of the deaths could be traced back to clean, disinfected medical institutions. Today, our hospitals are the most disinfected places on earth, yet 92.165% of the people dying in the United States were either 

  • in the hospital at the time they died, 
  • had just left the hospital, 
  • or had suffered long and lingering deaths due to staph infections."

.

Mary's right.  
Even doctors and nurses are dying in hospitals today.

Of course, Mary is taking Ben Franklin's advice
(to let the little kids play in the dirt now so they won't get sick later)
one step further and hauling the dirt inside so they can get at it quicker.

To dig and delve in nice clean dirt
Can do a mortal little hurt.
John Kendrick Bangs 1862 - 1922

 However, we were healthier back in the good old days.  

Kids were bullied into staying healthy with harsh threats:   
"If you don't get well I'm going to take you to the doctor!"  
Oh, how well we knew those Euromerican doctors were eager to saw off arms and legs when the medicine man failed.  

No self-respecting Indian would go to see a doctor unless he WAS dying.  For example, one Indian came into a drug store with one eye dangling out of its socket.  The pharmacist urged him to go to the hospital.   "No.  I come in for eye drops."

He didn't go to the hospital, and he still has both eyes, 
a tribute to almost good housekeeping if I ever saw one.

Is it any wonder I'm a sponsor of ALMOST Good Housekeeping?   

As long as I'm not in any danger of breaking my neck while hurrying to the bathroom for a quick hamburger you won't hear me complaining about how dirty your house is.

Discover these great essays in the following folders
  Family  * Social  * War  *  Freedom  *  Money  * 

And then, we have these essays in the GENERAL ESSAYS category which don't seem to fit anywhere in particular:

By Reason Alone..  That Roosevelt can do no wrong is Burroughs's opinion; and that Burroughs is always right is Roosevelt 's opinion.  Both are agreed that animals do not reason.  They assert that all animals below man are automatons and perform actions only of two sorts 'mechanical and reflex 'and that in such actions no reasoning enters at all.  They believe that man is the only animal capable of reasoning and that ever does reason.

***

No man is an island, is an old saying that was meant to say that no man stood alone, but needed help from others, and gave strength to others.  But, here is the story of an island that was a man.  In the short history of time, there was one island that was a monument to a single man.  It starts out like a fairy tale.. Once upon a time there was a barren island.    This almost insignificant little man was sent off to this barren island and turned it into a mirror of his soul and the fulfillment of his vision.  One stick at a time he turned his barren island into a work of lasting, world-renowned beauty and peace, an island where the nightingales sang songs of singular wonder ne'er found elsewhere since this little man set down roots on a barren island, and bloomed. 

**

Have you ever noticed that most of man's dreams are based on false assumptions. We dream of loping free with the wolves, but really don't like fleas. We dream of the security that lambs must feel, but don't want to be sheared. We dream of being lions, but gag at eating raw meat. We dream of being loved, but can't see the way or take the time to make ourselves lovable.

Was There EVER A Man On The Moon?  How far can reason alone take us from the beaten path of acknowledged history?

***

A Definition Of History by Leo Tolstoy gives us yet another peg to hang our ratiocinations upon.

**

Definition of Art?

**

Charity never faileth, especially when our hearts fill to overflowing with charity.

**

When Theories fail.. Petty science teachers can rage until doomsday that no two snowflakes are identical, but until every snowflake that has ever fallen or ever shall fall is matched against every other snowflake that has already fallen or ever shall try to fall -- the identical snowflake theory remains just a theory resting on its oars out there in lolly-gagging land.

**

Deliberate Fraud:  Evolutionists resort to the lowest forms of fraud in order to gain more believers. Down and Dirty with Darwin  Evolutionists are now feeling so battered that university professors advise their students not to discuss this theory with non-believers.  "Sounds like a religious cult to me," say some.

**

Global Warming freezes thermometers 57 years ago there was this silly theory running through the kitchen that said "the quickest way to freeze ice was to fill the ice trays with boiling water. There are still a few old house wives that believe it works. These days it's the pseudo-scientists that believe global warm winds tearing through the polar regions will make the ice caps freeze solid and start a new ice age!

**

Man, the Meanie of the Planet.  This is a high resolution pdf document so you can print it out and hang it on the wall.  Be sure to RIGHT Click the link, and save it to your computer.

**

Fuzzy Logic Clarified This is another essay you will want to keep handy where you can print it out.

**

Are we forever Doomed?  An essayic poem by Rudyard Kipling

**

I see Grandpa. He's calling out for me.

**

God Does Not Fit  -- by Lance Nalley

**

That first day of school  

**

A Break From Boredom  --  by Lance Nalley

**

INVICTUS... Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit, from pole to pole 

**

The gods and Heroes of the Ancient World 

**

Staunch, steadfast, loyal and true.  What better friend can a man have?

***

The House By The Side Of The Road

**

Friendship, by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs, The world uncertain comes and goes, The lover rooted stays. I fancied he was fled, And, after many a year, Glowed unexhausted kindliness Like daily sunrise there. My careful heart was free again, -- O friend, my bosom said, Through thee alone the sky is arched, Through thee the rose is red, All things through thee take nobler form, And look beyond the earth, And is the mill-round of our fate A sun-path in thy worth. Me too thy nobleness has taught To master my despair; The fountains of my hidden life Are through thy friendship fair.

**

This Web is MY Web  

**

A thing of beauty is a joy forever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

The Moon on Six Pence Uncle Bob was an unforgettable character who traveled the world on bargain rates and golden smiles!

**

The Almost Good Housekeeping monograph is a good excuse for the harried homemaker to put off until tomorrow all those burdens of yesteryear, and quit trying so hard.

**

Sex before the Sax:  The first thing I learned about Lois was she had a label for being froward.  Kids at school said she had had sex with Alfred.  Not long after I arrived, another boy came forward to admit he had made a score at her door.

**

Old Rattler, and the King Snake. 

**

Pleasures of the open fire: The Fireplace Revisited.

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